Well today was a “game of two halves” you could say.

I woke up this morning perfect. 8.20. Ready to attack the day face on. Then at 8.23, I hear “YOU CAN DROP ME AND THE BABY OFF AT COLLEGE!!” So I’m like, seriously vexed. I can’t say no to her, because she can pull the chord on me staying and there’s not really anywhere I can go. This is after me saying to her the night before, if she wants to go, get ready in good time and I want to leave at 25 past 8.

So I’m in a stinker of a mood and I drive to work. I get to the lights before work, and BOOSH, a fucking bus goes into a car, and that car goes into me and I go into another car. I was all right at the time, but it’s kind of hurting now. The Ambulance came and took me away and it was horrible. The paramedic was joking about saying the ambulance was going to crew. I think I was in shock because time absolutely flew. It was horrible being strapped down to a board on a bed. I couldn’t move at all and only see up. I’m pretty thankful it’s all over now and I’m okay. Lying alone in a hospital bed staring at a ceiling was a pretty bad experience. There was an old dear next to me that sounded like she was on death’s door, and all she wanted was an extra pillow, and the nurses were saying they didn’t have any. I would have given her mine, but I was incapable of moving. I got discharged with whiplash, and went straight back to work. My second day of work. I must be cursed? Hmm. I’m getting courtesy car in the morning so it’s all good. I think my car is in a bad way so will probably be written off. Good riddance to it, I say.

Tonight, I went to look at a flat with my dad in Oxton, and I am so fucking made up. I hope that I get it, I really do. It’s perfect for me. It’s got views of Liverpool, brand new, all throughout. Got the money and everything for tomorrow. All systems go, I hope. J

I can finally start moving away from the old me and trying to get my shit sorted. I’m not really feeling anything at the moment, hence me not expanding on anything. I feel weird.

I’m going to see Paula tomorrow for her birthday. I’ve got her a rose, to say happy birthday.

I’ve realised something. I always was something she wanted to keep hidden from certain people. I think it’s better this way. I’m not that type of person.

I am quietly confident.

I hate it when you meet someone. The initial few weeks of meeting someone is a proper drain. I’ve met a girl who’s from Ireland, but living in Liverpool. I met her last week in Liverpool, in rather strange circumstances, but I suppose the occurrences with the other one after it totally outweigh it on the balance of “Fucked up-ness” I wasn’t really pissed off with it, just pissed off with the reasons why she did it, but now new shit has come to light, I’ve totally lost all reverence now. I think it’s a trip to the G.U.M clinic, and then I can finally put that experience behind me. How many more of these bad experiences am I going to put behind me? I’m running out of space there. Anyway, I went out with Paula on Friday, I didn’t really think that I was going meet her on Friday as well, it’s not fair if I do whilst having such strong feelings for someone else. I found something out at the pub which just put the icing on the cake, so I went. I need to abandon things when they are clearly forlorn.

I arrived late, and bless her, she thought I wasn’t coming and she gotten her self drunk. Thankfully, I was drunk too. I had a boss time with her even though I was ill, and she looked after me when I kept waking up in the night. I think though, that I’ve been far to open and honest with her. I pretty much told her everything. I told her about Evelyn, and she said she didn’t mind, and I believed her. She seemed a bit sad when I was leaving the next day, and I thought that might be a good indication that she likes me. I txted her saying I Had a nice night and that, but she hasn’t replied to me. Arrrghhhh. I think I’ve been jibbed off. Who knows. If it’s to be, it’s to be. C’est la vie. I AM NUTS.

I felt really bad for Emma. She was clearly gutted that I went on a date. I wish I could tell her that I wasn’t actually going to go, but then she’d know why, and that would upset her more…anger her even. She was out with my mates, and a few sleaze balls were being horrible to her. She says she’s now off men for a while, and that she doesn’t like anyone. I really hope she finds someone she deserves.

I’m now working again, so I’m going to be trying to look at some houses this week. God bless my Nan for helping me.

I can’t fucking go on like this. I’m at Emma’s and she’s fucking getting under my skin. Trying to monopolize my fucking time. “where are you going” “I’m going to my mums to get ready for this job interview, I’ve got to route out my birth certificate” “your not going until half four!! Give me a lift to liscard!!!”

This is after telling her, that it could take ages to find, and that I have no petrol, to be running her to her dickhead mates house.

I can feel my blood pressure getting high again. The headaches are back…soon the migranes will return I think.

If I’m at my mum and dads it stresses me out BIGTIME. At Emma’s I get fucking VEXED, and if I’m kipping here and there, I feel even more uneasy and unsettled.

The fucking council are useless twats!

I want my own job, and place to live!!!!!!

I swear, when I get back working, I’m going to not let anything like this happen to be again. I feel like fucking shit.

Role on tomorrow. Dole day. I’m gonna get pissed and destroy!!!

Going the doctors was a bit of a waste of time. Stating the obvious is a complete understatement.

What a cunt.

I handed my notice in at work when I was hangover and on a come down, and now I’m gutted. I want to retract my statement, but the main boss is off till Monday, and that’s my last week. ARRGGHH!! I’ve got other agencies offering me better paying jobs, so it’s just a matter of time before I know what’s what.

Talking to my mate in work, and it’s evident that we all basically have similar traits. I know it’s fact I’ve been here before. Infact in one of my live journal entries from years ago… *Goes looking*

Taken from January 9^th 2006’s Entry -

“

I tried to cool it down this weekend, by avoiding Birkenhead. Turns out, Moreton is worse than Birkenhead for people who want to share their coke with you. Although, In my defence, I only had one line, and I tried to take it easy….Okay, I got in at 2.30am on Friday, and got in at 4am Saturday, that’s STILL taking it easy in my eyes. This weekend is definitely going to be a quiet one. I met some girl . . Well I’ve known her for ages, and I pulled her on Friday and Saturday, and It was only because I was wrecked and felt shit about myself because of all that fucking other carry on. I really do not like her AT all and she’s txting me now all the time and I’m being nice, and that but she’s asking to go out and I really don’t want to lead her on. What a mong I am. I’ll do the right thing, as I know what she’s going through (kind of) or at least I know what she could be going through If I carry on leading her on so to speak.

I feel okay at the moment. I’ve been on a right fucker of a trip over the past few weeks. Trying to get my head around shit. I’m happy to say that today, I feel pretty stable. I’m looking forward to finding a new job. Fixing my car up. Saving for Xmas, so I can get myself a Bass guitar, and get baby wiggles an infinite number of xmas presents!

I’m going the doctors tomorrow. I’m on the road to ruin, and I want to be on the road to recovery. Going to get shit sorted out.

It’s still the same when ever I go out. I can’t really bring myself to be interested in anyone else.

Shit.

The weekend was amazing.

I’m a little disappointed with myself for Friday’s shenanigans. Can’t believe I’m such a tit. I can’t believe heed wasn’t taken on their part. I think that whole flawed situation is over. Good riddance.

I went the Krazyhouse on Thursday and danced the night away in style. Me and cropper ended up back in some student flats, and I left. Apparently; not long after I left, a 70 bag of coke was delivered. Friday was pretty good; I went to the garden centre and bought baby wiggles a fish tank. She loves it. I’m getting a lot closer to Evelyn now. I absolutely adore her so fucking much.

Friday night was awesome. Birkenhead. Meal, then a pub crawl from grange road, to sonny’s stopping at a hell of a lot of pubs on the way. I ended up in sonny’s and I was pretty fucked come midnight. Here’s were the rock and roll starts. Saturday morning. Went to band practice and just walked in with a bottle of jim beam and dished out a big fat line and got on with it. After band practice I went to sonny’s and was in there until 2am. Me and Hag just got obliterated.

I’ve succumbed to the fact that I am going to be single for a while; until I sort my head and weight out. I think it’s easier this way. I need to get back on track with my fitness.

Tomorrow I am going to see OASIS. I can not actually wait. I’m siiiked.

It’s my birthday on Thursday and I’m not even bothering trying to arrange anything, because no one ever bothers coming out for my birthday. I am going to get a big fat lay on of coke, and just get mashed.